Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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