I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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