I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
