i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
