just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
