remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
