so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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