i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
