my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
