ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
