Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
