does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
