If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
