I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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