Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
