We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
