If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
