Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is the high leading the old right now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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