I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
