First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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