Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
