Kiss
Puke
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
