a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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