My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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