you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
