I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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