he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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