I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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