She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
