so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
