So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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