drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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