You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
