my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
