A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
