Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
