Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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