butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
