She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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