You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
