I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
