I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
