i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
