i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
