I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
