can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
