you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
