And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
