Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
