I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize