OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just had sex bonerless
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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