I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
