I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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