Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
