took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
