It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
