SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
