You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
