His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
