some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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