there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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