Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
