I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
