Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize