Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
