real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
