dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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