woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
